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Saturday Stock Take 8 March 2014

Posted by Dr Moose in Faith, Lent, Life, Ponderings, Self-criticism.
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It has, I think, been a pretty good week, enlivened by the delights of sunshine. Yesterday evening I even managed to walk the scenic way home, aided by a few days without rain. Hence being able to tweet later, a distillation of some thoughts that had struck home and caused me to stretch the voice recognition capacity of my phone:

Walked home through Bradlaugh Fields,
glorious in Lenten sunshine.
Trees a-blossomed shouted praise to creator,
heedless of canon or season!

Even so this morning I am less cheery, but without any particular tangible reason other than the insufficient word of “disquiet”. I am aware that too much of my spare time is being spent on selfish, non-productive and anti-social activity (as detailed in this post). I am also tired, after a busy week and with a busy few weeks ahead, weeks in which having a second functioning car in the family would be helpful. (The fact that I can get work to hire a car, and have the Uni pay doesn’t really help that much as I feel guilty of the expense coming out of our rather meagre budget!) Trying to change LMs school still drags on, but is getting closer. Looking to trim our expenses is inherently rather depressing, revealing both so much more of those things that I want, (and might even be able to justify on all sorts of grounds, but cannot truly afford, even though I’m pretty good at such a justification process… until I look at just how much stuff I have, and the stuff that is never used, or needs mending), as well causing me to question other things that have been bought by the GLW as they appear in the house!

I also know that I want to use my brain a bit more, whether that be blogging, writing for Geofiction/RPGs or something a little more academic and taxing (that vain dream of yet another degree….)

Yet in the midst of it all I mustn’t forget that I have a job I love, a roof over my head and food on the table, as well as a family who love and are loved. I have been getting back into a better pattern of prayer, as befits a minister, and, although it’s early days yet, I’m contentedly alcohol-free. I’ve even managed to get back in the saddle blogging, although you would be perfectly entitled to think of this as therapeutic writing, for my benefit alone (but if so, why is it public?)

Maybe this is part of Lent, as well as part of self-disatisfaction.  Self-examination in an attempt to avoid, or at least minimise self-deception. It is uncomfortable. It has its dangers, and while humility is a Christian virtue, being a doormat is not, and I do have a tendency to self-deprecation which can pass beyond modesty or humour and into excessive self-doubt.

But the sun is shining again, and the family deserve my attention, giving me an excuse to move on… and to spare my readership any more.

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